Remaining
by Ecro Xineoph
Summary: Lady Hawke is having a hard time dealing with the most recent death in the family, and for reasons the pirate may not understand, she's the one to help Hawke through it. f!Hawke/Isabela, character death, suicide attempt, one shot


_Remaining_

**Disclaimer:** BioWare owns Dragon Age II and all related names. This fanfiction is purely non profit. (In short, I play with other people's toys.)

**A/N:** Spoilers! They live here. If you aren't at least through act II, this fic is not for you. _Yet_. Do come back once you've beaten the game, though.  
>This scene takes place immediately following the comfort scene after All That Remains and goes from there. I just decided it needed even <em>more <em>hurt/comfort. I know, I'm crazy. ;)  
>Enjoy!<p>

* * *

><p>Isabela sank onto the bed next to Hawke. There was nothing more she could think to say so she settled for slipping her hand on to Hawke's knee.<p>

It was this simplest of gestures that pushed Hawke over the edge, tears finally flowing as a string of vicious sobs tore from the warrior's body. "Maker," she whimpered. "I can't get that image out of my head. When she turned around and I saw her - her face...oh Maker," she trailed off as another sob escaped her.

Cautiously, nervously, Isabela moved her hand from Hawke's knee up to her back, working it up and down to sooth the sobs out as if they were wrinkles and her hand an iron. "Time will heal you," she said awkwardly.

Hawke viciously shook her head. "Not this wound. These," she said as she referenced the numerous scrapes and bruises on her exposed arms, "yes. But not - Maker, you didn't see her, Isabela. Didn't see what he did to her."

Hawke finally looked up from the ground, her tear streaked cheeks and broken expression stirred an emotion in Isabela that was not entirely welcome, yet the swashbuckler did not push it away. "Why?" was all she said in response.

"Why, what?" Hawke asked, perplexed.

"Why didn't you take me with you?" Isabela tried her best to keep the hurt from her voice.

Hawke's gaze returned to the floor. "I...couldn't."

"Don't be ridiculous," Isabela pressed. "Of course you could."

"No. I mean...I couldn't risk it."

Whatever response Isabela had waiting on her tongue died there.

"Couldn't risk you," Hawke clarified.

"What?" Now it was Isabela's turn to blink in confusion.

Hawke took a deep breath, bringing her head up again to meet Isabela's gaze. "My father died three years before we came to Kirkwall. My brother died as we were fleeing Ferelden. I lost Bethany to the Wardens. And I knew, as soon as I'd heard Mother received lilies, that I'd lost her too," Hawke's voice wavered and she paused before continuing. "I just couldn't - can't lose you too, Isabela. It would break me."

For a moment, Isabela looked as if she had a sharp retort on the way, but the next moment, her face had softened again, and she simply shook her head, drawing Hawke into a cradling embrace, and holding the warrior as another string of pathetic sobs shook her body.

"It'll take more than a crazed blood mage for you to be rid of me," Isabela whispered.

* * *

><p>It was almost impossible for Kianna to believe that she had already lived a full week without her mother. The fact that she had been living, however, was debatable. She hadn't left her house, had seen any of her friends, save for Isabela when she had visited the night of. She had barely eaten, barely slept, barely left her bedroom, and on the rare occasions that found her out of bed, she was usually sitting at her writing desk, staring longingly at the dagger that resided there. And that's where she was now.<p>

"Varen," Kianna Hawke called softly to her faithful mabari.

At the sound of his name, the war hound rose from his spot at the end of Kianna's bed and trotted over to the desk where his master sat as she sealed an envelope.

Having sealed it, she picked up her pen and delicately scrawled the name Isabela on the front before turning in her seat to face the dog. Her eyes were red and shimmered with tears that threatened to fall. "Alright, Varen. I need you to take this down to Bodahn, See that he gets it to Isabela right away, understand?" The dog barked his understanding. "There's a good boy," Kianna smiled, though the action didn't truly reach her eyes. Suddenly, the smile was gone, replaced instead by a silent sob as the warrior leaned down and wrapped the dog in a tight hug. Varen whined his confusion.

"I'm sorry, boy. I know you and I are the only Hawke's left." She shook her head, leaning back up and picking the envelop off the desk to hand it to the dog who gingerly took it into his mouth. "But I just can't keep going. Not anymore. I'm not strong like you." Varen barked his disagreement as best he could without risking dropping the letter. But Kianna just shook her head again. "You can't talk me out of this," she said, placing a hand on the knife that rested on her desk. "I'm sorry," she said again before looking pointedly toward the door. "Now go." Varen took several steps toward the door before Kianna managed to choke out, "I love you," causing Varen's tail to sink between his legs as he made his way down the stairs. As he deposited the letter at Bodahn's feet, the front door burst open in a manner that could only indicate one visitor.

"Isabela," Bodahn said, reading the envelope.

"Present," the pirate chimed. But before the conversation could progress any further, Varen began barking pointedly at Isabela, then the stairs, then back to Isabela. "What is it, boy? Did Sandal fall down the well?"

"Doggy?" Sandal called from the corner of the room. And while Isabela smirked, the dog paid him no heed, instead grabbing the sash that hung around the rogue's waist and pulling her toward the stairs.

"All right, all right," she said, making her way up the stairs. "Fereldens and their dogs, she muttered under her breath as she came to the second floor and sauntered into Kianna's room with no though of privacy.

She was greeted with the sight of Kianna, still at her writing desk, with her knife poised over her chest, the tip resting on her sternum. For a moment, her heart stopped, but then her head caught up with her heart and she quickly regained her composure.

"You know, that's how you ruin a perfectly good pair of breasts," she deadpanned, taking several steps toward the desk.

"Sod off," Kianna half yelled, half sobbed.

"So what? That's it? You're just going to off yourself?"

"Sod off!" Kianna repeated with more anger in her voice. "You don't even know! You couldn't!"

Isabela simply shrugged. "I guess not." After a moment, she shifted her weight from one hip to the other. "Well?"

"Well?"

"Well, are you going to do it or not?"

The question made Kianna pause. "What the void is wrong with you? Aren't you supposed to be talking me down?" Her voice carried equal parts hurt and anger.

"You obviously don't want to be talked down. And I've never seen someone kill themselves before. Should be an experience. So go on," Isabela said, forcing herself to remain emotionless.

"FINE!" Kianna cried, gripping the dagger harder, her fingers fidgeting as her breathing became more rapid. She tensed then relaxed her muscles over and over, trying to build up the last amounts of courage needed to force the dagger into her chest and end the miserable existence that had become her life. But try as she may, she couldn't. By now, her breaths were coming in short, rapid, gasps, her heart, pounding in her chest. With one final effort, she drew the dagger away from her chest as if to gain more momentum for thrusting it back down. Her eyes clenched shut as tears leaked out of them.

With a feral yell, Kianna threw the dagger from her. "I HATE YOU!" she screamed at Isabela as the dagger landed with a clang in a far corner of the room. She then collapsed forward into her hands, her sobs now unchecked.

"I know," Isabela said as she moved swiftly to Kianna, taking a seat in front of her on the desk. "Shhhh," she soothed, drawing the broken warrior to her, resting Kianna's head against her chest as she wrapped her arms protectively around the shaking form.

"I hate you," Kianna sobbed brokenly.

"Better me than you," Isabela said under her breath, thankful that Kianna couldn't see the look of tender sadness and pity on her face.

Time passed as Kianna cried a wet spot into Isabela's tunic. When she seemed to have calmed herself some, she spoke, her voice still broken. "I can't do it. I can't - can't become that person again. I don't know if I'll come back this time." When Isabela said nothing she continued. "Every time - Carver, Bethany, now Mother - every time I become this person, this _thing_, I don't recognize, filled with rage and hatred and vengeance. And every time it's harder to come back. I don't know if I can do it again."

"Of course you can," Isabela said quietly but firmly. "You're Hawke. You can do _anything_." Kianna shook her head brokenly. "Oh yes you can. I don't care where the hell you go, you can make it back. You _have_ to make it back. Because if you don't, I'll come in and drag you back out. This city _needs_ you, Hawke. You're friends need you." She paused rolling her eyes at how cliche and vulnerable she was about to sound. Damn that this woman could make her feel this way. "And _I_ need you...Kianna. So you'd better get yourself sorted out, because I'm not going away, but I wont put up with all this crying bullshit for much longer either."

"I hate you," Kianna breathed again, but with less conviction than before.

"Yes, I remember," Isabela said, but any edge was gone from her voice, replaced by a gentleness rarely heard from the pirate. The tone of her voice more than the words cause another loud sob to escape from Kianna. Isabela ran her hand up and down Kianna's back. "Let it all out," she soothed. "I'll be here."


End file.
